lots of random fluffy bits

im as tired as the scatterbrained title! so im going to do bullets of stuff going through my fluffy bits now.

• somehow emraan hashmi looks cute with long hair. i know, very ewww! something is definitely wrong here...maybe im into long haired dudes. revelation?
• facebook could be used as a weapon of mass destruction. brain (of pinky and the brain) could wreak havoc with it.
• there are plenty of cute guys in dubai; just not pakistani ones. facebook research!
• saw the notebook yesterday. rather streamed it. was up till 3 am. im in love with noah or (rather ryan gosling as noah calhoun)!! allah mian mera noah kab aaiye ga?
• im most definitely getting a bright red suzuki jimny; the 2007 model. any thoughts, opnions and/or ghastly experiences are most welcome! if you are going to tell me it looks like a dabba i know already, mum and alta clued me into that fact! km jealous yet??
• i miss my very irritating baby brother so much its seems hilarious at times! here i was, all prepared to send him off into the big bad world to learn important life leasons and im already wishin he'll come home now. how these four years will go by... :(
• i was supposed to be in bed by 10:20 and its 12:20 :( :(

bas ab kay liye itna hi, baqi ki khabrein kaal raat ko! ;)

and then they come

i hate grey's! it bloody makes me cry and i dont need or want to cry for cristina or meredith.
thank god season 3 is over and 4 hasnt started yet.

Karachi- the fiasco

this was an email i sent to alta after reading his post on the Karachi mayhem. click on the title to go to the post.

Just read it. Had some what similar emotions to this fiasco but not quite. It’s really brave when you say you will stay there forever when I don’t ever want to come back. Why should I? When my own country doesn’t value me, when I don’t feel safe in my own house. When I have lunatics running around outside the house shooting the innocent and punishing the civilians.

I was cooking on Saturday when the rally was being broadcasted. I didn’t hear a word of it, except the drone of Imran khan's voice, the bastard, ridiculing his country in the world's media. The fucker doesn't know how it feels when I go to the beauty salon and the lady asks me aaj karachi mein bohat danga ho gaya na?! When I never said a word to any Indian when they killed thousands in Gujarat. The bastard doesn’t know the pins and needles, the haplessness, and the worry under the i-dont-give-a-shit attitude.

Mama's comment was its a show of power, by both parties, km and abba were watching musharraf and discussing how well he had succeeded in chasing the cj out of Karachi.

Ab kiya jab sab kuch khatam ho gaya? Agar woh aata to kiya hota? Bakwas karta aur nikaljata. Maybe so many wouldn't have lost their lives, making the quality of life negative for the thousand's around them. Making someone like me scared, yet again, to visit my home, for no city will I ever belong to except Karachi, I refuse to.
Just because musharraf has zero confidence in his reelection capabilities. If the public wants him, he will be reelected. These stunts really do him no favors.
It’s highly optimistic, the rising of the silent, for that will never happen. And if it does we are too corrupt a people to let it change situations. We will kill those who rise against the authority figures, for we fear the oppressed. We will kill them and silence entire generations.

My family thinks I don’t care, that I am the least patriotic person imaginable. Just because I refuse to wear a flag on my chest on the 14th of august, because I don’t care whether our team (and not we) win or lose at cricket. What they don’t realize is that even though I love it and would never want to belong to another country, for I would lose all sense of identity and self, I would never be proud of it till the day I feel I am free within its bounds. That I will not be shackled by loons like the madrassa-e-hafsa women. How can I ever be proud of a country who has labeled its citizens terrorists, Islamists, extremists? Where women are not valued? Why do we go to press about our issues? Why never with our strengths?

I don't care because i can't. Because my caring doesn't make a difference. Because it doesn't solve any problems. Just creates more. And i have my share.

Its just a thought*

i was just wondering that i never post on the blog when im feeling a bit philosophical or nostalgic or even just happy. i only post when im either bored or incensed or have too much time on my hands.
to tell the truth this was supposed to be a completely anonymous and private blog, a place where i could vent with freedom, where i could write witout hesitation, where i could write without the fear of hurting a loved one. simply put where i could be me. as blunt, as sarcastic and as in secure as i truly am. but i cant be tht person here. i have to be the polite, nice me here.
lately i have been reading a wide array of blogs which range from (on my scale) bizarre(my new pet word in case you hadnt guessed yet) to ridiculous to sweet to inspiring to plain gag inducing. what i dont understand is are these people really who they say they are? am i what i potray through the blog? am i truthful? or do i tend to over exagerrate or understate an event when retelling it? do i write for the pleasure of it? or do i write to exercise my mmind and through out random words into the cyberspace, a word i presume only used in sci-fi movies.
i considered doing a day by day account of my life as i read on some blogs which i truly enjoy. they are like 7days for me, read every morning as soon as i come to the office. then i think what will i write?? tht i slept till 1:30 on friday and saturday and was woken not by my shrill alam but by my mothers' kiss or my my father gently shaking me awake as if it was 7:30 and not 1 in the afternoon.
yes i suppose i could write that. i think the reason that i dont is maybe coz i want approval, from no body specific but everybody in general. i suppose i should stop looing for approval. this is my space. here i will be what i am. boring or monotonous it might me but it is who i am. and i wouldnt want to change that for the world!
hence there will be be two blogs now, one a diary and one for musings and the not so occasional rants. lets see for how many days i can kep this up!

*this post is completely incoherent, written in a flow of thoughts and emotions all coliding in one place, all at once. please dont try to make sense out of it as there is none.